POWER

I feel like I'm abusing the privelege of having a blog; as if I can just dump any old trinket of a thought, feeling, or inclination--no, blogs are not for being facetious, nor are they for messing around. This is serious stuff, kid; although I know I don't have to tell you this.

But really--really really really, I should stop posting such meaningless gossip and trivial pursuits of thought. I feel that even now I'm committing my aboriginal sin (to talk about talking; to write about writing; to analyze analyzation; to get nowhere, to achieve nothing, and to intellectually commit suicide).

But maybe...but maybe this is art. Maybe such paragraphical musings aren't the molidest of cheeses, maybe gossip and trivial pursuits are beautiful too. Maybe I'm not required to write in perfect pristine prose and alliteration and wonderful syntax and poems and rhyming (nor am I required to edit anything, is what I tell myself) to be an artist, to be who I want to be. Then the reason I'm so ashamed, so predisposed not to write and speak and be such things (first plane shtuff), is because I'm concerend about how I come off. I have pride, dignity. It isn't considered noble to speak of such topics------------this is a lie. As long as I extrapilate the topic to such an unearhtly extent, if I take the literal meaning and flip and mold and turn and bake it for two hours, it will come out on a higher plane. So I shouldn't feel so bad, I should just exist.

[this is the problem with worrying about thinking---at a point you think about worrying, and then worry about thinking about worrying, etcetera etcetera, until you're trapped again. ah, such is the life of one with social anxiety disorder]

But I suppose everyone has to obsess over a disliked person everyonce and awhile. Especially if he means something more than the dimpy shallow person he really is. (it's funny how a shallow person can mean something deep to someone else; my personal measuring stick---now how do I judge myself?)


I shall now go muse on middle school days; oh boy, weren't those the days?