i've been robbed by myself

i just compared last summer to this summery
i'm speechlessly sad.

the summer is all in bloom, the summer is ending soon

i'd like to think i have a lot to say, but i don't.

these are my last days. shouldn't they be---incendiary? Instead I'm just grumpy and alone and depresso. I'm just feeling the shock effect of my wasted summer.

My justification that everything is and will be okay is that I know in the future, when remembering this summer, it will all be looked on fondly. Everything in the past looks good and happy, melancholy at its worst, ecstatic, and amazing. It doesn't matter that I'm so unfulfilled and inactive. Antispectively (think: retrospective--retrograde amnesia--antegrade amnesia), everything will be alright; so it doesn't matter what the fuck i do or do not do now, right?

i'd like to say something like "i'm the saddest i've ever been" but i can't verify that as i wouldn't know. it's all for attention anyway, because i can't communicate (period) my feelings (/anything/everything).

i'm completely emotionally immature.
can i find solace in the fact that it will all be better? that i will grow out of it? that i will learn so much in college? that i'm going to go through a lot of change?
can i find solace in anything at the moment?
i'm so sad right now.

terrible

and sometimes you just want to bitch slap life right back in the face...
except you know that there is no one else to blame.