i feel like i'm rocking back and forth in a sea of something--this something, of which, i've no idea. the sensation is the point that is supposed to be made; the sensation of hopeless lost desperation with nothing to hold on to: no friend to act as a buoy and no self esteem to stand on.
i wonder how miss delaney keeps in such good contact with her friends from home. i wish i could do that with my friends...i could. i'm just not. and yet i miss them all. julie, katie, rebecca, holly. i miss rachel. i miss my family. i miss the stability of a life back home where everything is promised to us, where everything is easy.
maybe i'm jaded. i feel like i've done it all before. i feel like it'll just end again, all over again, and life will continue.
that's why i'm so worried that i'm losing touch with my friends. i've got nothing stable in my life and i feel i'm just building more relationships to lose touch with.
there has to be something continuous in life. even if things don't naturally last forever--people die, words lose meaning, art loses signifigance--can't, by our own motivation, desire, and device, we make something that lasts forever?
"Let's make this last forever--
and ever
and ever--
let's make this last forever."
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